Prison

Prison, not always a small room with bar walls in which someone locks another. There are many different prisons. Possibly the hardest prison to escape it the one in which we trap ourselves. Even when we realize it, breaking free is difficult. The walls of desire, of fear, of habit, of desperation are thick and hard.

Unfortunately Mama Jenn’s blog is dead so I removed that. But Mister Farsh and Miss Cellardoor’s blogs have been added. Also added a link to the site feed atom in the bottom of the right hand column as per a few of your requests. I haven’t tested it but…I’ll assume it works cause I wont’ be fixing it soon if it doesnt.

So whats been happening lately, I’ve been busy lately and haven’t had the time to blog. Shahzad was down a few weeks ago for business. Anojan & I met up with him for dinner at the Afghan Kebab House. Very good. Caitlin and Mike came down a couple weeks ago. I put up pics of that earlier. Darrin & Jenn came down from Canada for the long weekend. And stayed til Thursday. That was fun. Went shopping and ate out quite a bit. IHOP, Afghan, Thai, Pizza, Indian, Chinese, I forget what else. And we saw the show Altar Boyz. It was good. Not great, but definitely good.

I narrowed the my list of mba schools to 8. Toronto, Western, Michigan (ross), Austin Texas, UCLA, USC, Indiana, and Arizona (Carey). But in the end I decided against Indiana and Arizona and went with the first 6. I do admit, I’m worried. I feel I’m reaching to varying degrees with all of these schools. None are really a ‘safe school’ or fallback. I tell myself that hey, I should reach. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll try some others next year and thats fine. I can work another year. And yes, thats not bad. But its definitely not preferred. And I rather go with confidence. As I said in an earlier post, for some reason I felt really confident when I went to write the gmat. And it turned out great. I dont’ want to give myself excuses. Inshallah, I’ll get in to all and have to choose where I want to go. I’m going to get in. And next year at this time I’ll be worrying about final projects and exams and ready to go on winter break. And I’m looking forward to that.

I’m tired of NY. I want a change. Have I been here 1.5 years already, or just about. How did that happen. I’ve gained a ton. I’ve experienced a lot. In fact if not for a lot of it, I wouldn’t think I have any chance at some of these schools. Still. At times, I think to myself what is the point of this. This is ridiculous. Why am I here. And I don’t mean what is my purpose in life or anything at that level. I just mean, why am I here, is this what I want.

old man: You can have anything you want in life.
young man: No, you can’t. Only some people get what they want.
old man: Those are the ones that come and get it.

I’m going home on Friday. I’ll fly back on Friday night. Hang out saturday. Sunday I drive home. It’ll be hectic, but otherwise I wont’ see my family at all for the rest of the year. And its been about 4 months since I last saw them. I’m going to head back home again later in December. But I’ll just hang out with friends then. As my parents will be gone for Hajj and my sister and Nana are going to Houston. I was telling one of my friends its ironically and sadly funny. I haven’t been home for Eid in I don’t know how long and now that I will be. My family won’t.

I’m a bit hungry. I think I’ll go eat some raisins. I think I have raisins…I wonder how long raisins last for…

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make and manifest the glory of god that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson

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13 responses to “Prison

  1. Memo to Mister Ahmed,

    I would be much obliged if you can sort out your gender identifications, I cant possibly imagine what I have written for you to categorize me as “Miss Farsh”..

    Thanks

    MISTER FARSH 🙂

  2. “Deepest fear” the famouse Marianne Williamson Quote erroneously credited to Nelson Mandela. Simply beautiful.. But my personal favourites would be

    “Maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don’t see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce yourself.”

  3. whoops, sorry. I think my mind/fingers were already thinking ahead to where I was writing miss cellardoor. Its been fixed.

    And thanks for sharing that quote. I really like it! Many times I see people seemingly waiting. Part of it is maturity but a large part of it self-esteem and self-confidence.

  4. INDIANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s where I am!!! 😀 Come here for school!! Then I’ll have a friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. the guy who writes this crap

    thanks. nice post.
    On choosing a school – don’t even bother with a fallback one…just go with the one you want to and it’ll all work out.
    Also, thanks for those cool quotes…

  6. sarah: I wanted to keep my list at 6. So in the end it came down to Arizona, Indiana, and USC. Arizona I dropped since its the lowest ranked. Now Indiana is slightly better than USC and actually I did think hey I would have a friend there in you. But I decided USC b/c I think I’d enjoy living in LA more than Bloomington. And I love warm weather.

    the guy: Np. Thanks for dropping by. And yes, inshallah it’ll all work out well.

  7. Hey Ahmed, you really do have a friend name caitlin! Yeah my friend Caitlin is one of my best friends Ive known her since I was three, just sad Ill be leaving her when I go to Unversity with in the coming school year.

    I liked your article on prison, physical prison, and being a prisoner of your mind. I think mental prison would be the worse, because unlike a concrete prison you can not run away from it.

    Good postin bro

  8. Hi Almira, Thanks. No, you can’t really run from a mental prison, however, in most cases I think it is within your own power to change things and thus escape.

  9. Have I been here 1.5 years already, or just about. How did that happen. I’ve gained a ton.

    Truer words have never been spoken. 😀 “Lose some weight faht boy”

  10. hiya
    hey ahmed, thak u 4 adding my blog – i haven’t done a list on my blog yet – i sooo should!!

    anyhoo – god willing u’ll get ur wish andget in2 all the schoold, i’m sure at the end of the day u’ll make the right choice, everything happend 4 a reason , right??

    btw – afghan food – nice right, my granny make the best home-cooked afghan food!!i shud fed-ex u some…??

    um-couple more things i wnated 2 say but my bro is bugging me 2 get a move on – erm – but oh yeah, my parents went 2 hajj 3 yaers bak – they loved it!!

  11. Darrin: Whatever, you still weight more than me!

    Cellardoor: Np. And haha you can fed-ex me food of anykind anytime. 🙂 Yeah, my parents are really looking forward to it!

    Sarah: Haha, you definitely count for more than 10pts. But you only have 1 more year, I’d inshallah just be starting next year so what I would do after that? I’d be stuck in the middle of a lake w/ no friends! And I can’t swim!

    Well Indiana is too far away for a quick drive and/or weekend visit home. So if I must fly then East coast, West coast doesn’t make too much difference at that point.

    At least thats what I say, I think my mom would argue with me.

  12. I have TWO more years after this one!!

  13. Whoops! hehe. Well…umm…you should have told me that earlier! 😛

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