I was going to make a post yesterday. I’m backlogged on blogging and putting up pictures. But my laptop is killing me. I got some spyware or adware or whatever and despite numerous efforts it still persists. And its really preventing me from doing a lot on my laptop. So this weekend, well this weekend I’m going to go down to CT to visit my friend Caitlin and my cousin Alia. But when I’m back sunday hopefully I can just backup everything important, reformat, and reinstall everything. Hopefully it goes well b/c man its a pain.
So my parents are going to Hajj. And they’ve been doing all this stuff like adding me to their bank accounts. Making their wills, adding me to the safety deposit boxes. Tell me about their insurance papers. To look after my sister, etc etc etc. Its weird. I listen b/c its important for me to know just in case but I really can’t imagine such things occuring. Its weird. But it does make me stop and think. Of how I would handle things. How so much would truly be on my shoulders. To be honest, I am confident I could handle it though. But inshallah, I won’t have to worry about such things for many decades yet to come.
Ok, so financial documents for mba schools, check.
Transcripts requested check.
Graduation confirmation letters requested, check.
Recommenders asked, check.
Applications filled in, easy parts, check.
Applications filled in harder parts…..um….in progress.
Essays…….ack! sigh….I need to step it up on this.
Earlier this week, Wednesday I think it was. I got out of the F-Train and out of the subway station on 23rd onto the street first! hehe, thats like being first out and into the parking lot of any Go-Train station 😛
Going back to the topic of expectations. I’ve for the most part always felt like I could do anything. If I work at it, have the dedication, put forth the effort I could do anything I wanted. Of course there are limitations now. Like, I don’t like hockey, never have (I know I’m canadian but still! hockey blah). But still as a child I always felt that if I really wanted to, I could practise, train, and I could do it. And heck I can’t even skate but I never felt I couldn’t do it if thats what I really wanted (though of course for certain things the time has passed now).
This is more of a long term confidence mind you. In the short term, I can be less optimistic. It fluctuates I guess…..I’m odd.
Anyhow, while there is this inner confidence. Outwardly, I still worry. I downplay things. I do enjoy encouragement. It does help. But sometimes ppl just have these expectations of me. And its like…..um….ok, inshallah. But its just blind faith that I can do it, and do it well. I worry about being embarrassed by failing but I never worry about being a failure. This is partly why I don’t like ppl knowing hard much or little I work or try. I know in the long run it will work out. I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. I just felt like writing it I suppose. I think I need to display that faith in myself more outwardly. Not worry about failing or being embarassed or anything b/c the ppl that believe in me have never waivered in that. During my highs or lows. And also whenever I truly feel confident anything, I usually do quite well.
I can do anything.